


Two Weeks

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Swearing, Top!Cas, bottom!Dean, smut in later chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-20
Updated: 2015-01-02
Packaged: 2018-01-20 02:14:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1492942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas has told his parents that he's dating Dean and they told him to bring his boyfriend to their vacation cabin for Christmas. Problem is, Cas and Dean aren't dating. This is the story of those two weeks together.</p><p>This has been done a million times but I read every one of these stories I come across, so here we are.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Beginning of the End

Dean Winchester is tired. He's so tired. He's laying in bed and it's past one o'clock and honestly he doesn't know why he's still awake. But here he is. Laying in his boxers with his headphones over his ears and his eyes refusing to close. He can hear Sammy snoring in the next room (God that kid is so loud and Dean smiles, feeling an overwhelming fondness for his little brother) and he know his parents are asleep too - or at least he figures his dad is, maybe his mom is still awake. She's like Dean that way.

At last he closes his eyes, feeling them grow heavier and heavier and he's so tired and finally finally he's going to sleep and he's got school tomorrow so it's a good thing he's finally sleeping and he feels like he's hanging in that gray area between sleep and not sleep - when his phone buzzes on his stomach.

Dean groans. Fuck. He kisses the little bit of sleep he might have managed to get goodbye and turns his phone on - and is nearly blinded by the light of a thousand brilliant suns. Jesus, Dean hates opening his phone at night. After his eyes adjust, he presses "talk" and grunts into the mouthpiece. 

"Hello, Dean."

Oh it's Cas. Cas, his best friend. Cas, who he's going to see in like six fucking hours at school anyway and couldn't this possibly wait. "Yeah, hey man, what's up?"

"I have a problem, Dean."

"Yeah? Does it have anything to do with how dead you're going to be for calling me at ass o'clock in the morning on a school night?"

"No. Well, yes, I assume that may become a problem but that is not the one I was referring to."

"Damn straight it's going to become a problem."

"Dean. I have a real problem and it concerns you. Can we please discuss it?"

"Well I'm already awake I guess."

"Thank you. Dean, the problem is, well, do you know how there is a holiday approaching?" Cas continues without waiting for an answer. "My family has asked me to invite someone to our cabin on the bay and Gabriel was teasing me quite a lot about how I wasn't getting laid, as he so delicately put it, and my mother kept pestering me to invite my girlfriend and I don't know any girls and anyway, that's not really my area of expertise. I just panicked and they were all bothering me, you know how it is when Gabe and Anna team up, even Michael was bothering me and Dad and Mom were asking over and over and -"

"Okay Cas, so what happened?"

"I told them that you and I were dating."

Dean is quiet for a very long time.

"And also that you would come with our family to our cabin."

Dean is really really good at being quiet.

"And also I added that you might ask Sam to come too because Gabriel was pestering me about it."

Dean should get an award for being quiet and not blowing up in people's faces, really, he should.

"Dean?"

It would say "Dean Winchester did not murder his best friend. He is a silent master of control."

"Dean?"

Dean takes a deep breath.

"Yes."

"Is there a reason you are maintaining this silence?"

"I'm processing."

Silence.

"You do realize I'm straight, right?"

"Yes, Dean, I do know that you are straight, and that I am gay and I understand that this is uncomfortable for you but I promise that this is not some elaborate plot to make you fall in love with me and if I had a crush on you I would come right out and say it and I only said your name because they already know you and because you are my best friend and you are the first person I thought of. If you don't want to do this with me, I will tell my family that I lied and that you are not going to be coming with us to the cabin. I realize I have put you in an uncomfortable position and I'm sorry, but it would be really helpful if you could do this for me because this always happens to me with my family and it would be so nice to have them off my back for a bit. Please say something, Dean, your silence is becoming stressful."

Dean is quiet still, thinking. His first thought is that he really, really hates emotions. His second thought is that he's gonna kick Cas' ass. His third thought is that that rhymes. Then he realizes, he's being distracted. Anyway. Well. Dean thinks for a long time. And in the process of this thinking he realizes that he and Cas have been friends for ages and he should probably just go ahead and do this for Cas. Because Cas is always taking shit for him. All the time. Cas is always willing to take a beating, or get in trouble, or tell someone off for Dean. And Dean can do this one thing for him.

"Aight man, what do I have to do?"

 

Cas outlines the plan for him. Dean would come with him next Saturday - in three days - to the little house that Cas' rich dad owns in the middle of the woods somewhere out in the middle of nowhere and he would stay for two weeks, all of Christmas break. He would bring Sammy and his parents were welcome to come for Christmas dinner if they liked. During these two weeks, Dean and Cas would pretend to be dating for Cas' parents and siblings. They wouldn't be required to do anything Dean felt uncomfortable with, and at the end of the two weeks, Cas would say they had broken up and it would be all over.

Dean sighs. He honestly doesn't know how he gets himself into these things.


	2. First Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas have their first kiss and Dean struggles with his little gay panic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for the response guys, I'm always shocked when stuff I post on here gets attention and all of these comments and kudos and stuff really makes me love posting my stuff. You guys are so sweet, thank you!
> 
> In other news, this is going to be the last chapter for a couple days because school is starting again but I'm hoping to post on Wednesday maybe. 
> 
> Without further ado, proceed to the story!!

The next day at school, Dean actually runs into Cas in the hall. His head is down and he's wearing his headphones and he doesn't see his best friend until he's practically on top of him. Well, not even practically. Somehow, he manages to actually knock Cas over and then proceeds to fall on top of him. He can feel his face getting hotter and all of his books are spread across the hallway and he's definitely squashing Cas, who grunts underneath him.

"Shit Cas I'm sorry I wasn't paying attention." Dean jumps up and grabs Cas' hand to pull him up and then immediately realizes how that looks in light of the recent circumstances and drops it again. Unfortunately, Cas is already halfway up and when Dean releases his hand, he falls down all over again.

"Dean!"

"Sorry sorry sorry!" Dean is bright red by now and he can feel everyone's eyes on him, practically boring holes in him, and Cas' hand feels warm and soft in his and what the fuck Dean what was that thought?

He finally gets Cas standing again and the two of them scramble to gather their books and get out of the hall. Once they've made it to the parking lot, Dean turns to face Cas, laughing and feeling the shame fade off his face. "Damn, sorry man, I was just zoning out." Then he laughs a little. "And hey you want to know why? Because some asshat called me at like two o'clock in the morning last night to inform me that I was going to have to pretend to be his boyfriend for two weeks so that his parents and brother would get off his ass."

What Dean doesn't say is that he had stayed up for a long while after that considering what would happen in those two weeks. Dean's straight. He wants you to know that, before he says anything about what his mind wandered to late last night, about what he'd considered doing to Cas for Cas' parents. Yes, Dean Winchester is very heterosexual. 

That said, he figured he'd be willing to make just about any sacrifice to convince Cas' parents that they were actually dating. It's only right. Cas is his  _best friend_ after all. What sort of friend would he be if he didn't do things for Cas? Dean won't say what kind of things. 

Cas clears his throat. Dean realizes that he must have been zoning out and he hopes Cas can't read minds. "Oh yeah sorry, what did you say?"

"I said we have to talk about that, Dean."

"Do we have to?"

"Yes."

"I'd really rather not."

"Dean. We have to because you are my best friend and I don't want you to think I'm making a move on you because we will have do things that are not considered traditionally heterosexual in order to convince my parents that we are dating. We also have to discuss how far you are willing to go and how far would be necessary for our purposes. For example, would you be alright with kissing me? Would you be alright with sharing a bed with me in the cabin? What about wearing my pajamas, eating off my plate, the hundreds of other little things couples do that friends don't."

Dean is blushing again. He hates this blushing thing. He has been doing far too much of it this morning. He is also trying to think about other things that kissing Cas. 

"Can we possibly discuss this at a place that isn't school?"

"Yes, but Dean, we do have to. I am not going to just conveniently forget."

"Fine. Can you come over tonight?"

"Yes."

They stare at each other awkwardly for a while. Dean tries to remember what they used to talk about before this and tries not to look at Cas' lips. 

""Um, so --" Dean starts to say, when the school bell rings.

Thank God.

"Anyway, I guess I'd better head to class. See ya, Cas."

"Goodbye, Dean."

 

 

Dean sits with Jo and Ash and Lisa during lunch, not because he's mad at Cas but because he doesn't really know how he could sit and watch Cas' mouth for 40 minutes without having some decidedly unheterosexual thoughts. So he spends lunch cracking jokes with Ash and staring at Lisa's tits. He's not proud but he feels a lot straighter afterward. At least until Jo slaps him and tells him to stop staring at Lisa's tits.

He doesn't know what Cas does during lunch.

 

 

After school, Dean texts Cas to come over whenever and heads home to change and eat. He parks his baby in the garage - well, it's his dad's car actually, but he knows it'll be his as soon as John can bear to part with it - and heads inside. As soon as he cracks open the door he can tell; his mom made pie. He goes into the kitchen and kisses her cheek. Call him a mommy's boy if you want but you'd be a mommy's boy too if you tried his mom's pie. Dean figures it's actually to die for. 

"Hey Mom. How's that pie?"

Mary rolls her eyes at him. "Yes, Dean ask about the pie, not about the woman who slaved away all afternoon to make it for you."

"Yes, I love you too. But -  _pie._ "

"You pig. It's coming. Go change and I'll bring you a piece when it's ready, okay?"

"Okay. Thanks, Mom."

Dean heads upstairs to drop off his books and change his shirt. He figures he'll just play video games until Cas gets here, but then as he's dropping his backpack on the floor, he wonders if he ought to take a shower. And then he's sure he should take a shower. So he gets in the shower and scrubs his hair and all over his body, suddenly lacking the self confidence that he usually exudes. 

He brushes his teeth, puts on deodorant, gets dressed in a different, cleaner pair of jeans and a soft t-shirt, shaves, and brushes his teeth again. By that time, his mom has brought up the pie, which he scarfs down, and then starts playing video games, finally. But before he's even lost his first game he realizes that he's eaten the pie and so he needs to brush his teeth again, which he does.

Dean hasn't been this nervous since his first day of high school.

He wishes Cas would show up just to end this waiting shit.

And speak of the devil - which Dean finds ironic because Cas' full name is Castiel - the man himself is ringing the doorbell. Dean practically bolts down the stairs and then takes a deep breath and opens the door.

 _"Cas looks awesome"_ he thinks, before he can catch himself. And then, because he's Dean and he can't help it, he adds " _no homo"_ in his mind. 

"Hello Dean."

"Hey Cas, come on in, man. What's up?"

"Not a lot, Dean, how are you?"

_Nervous._

"Good. I was just playing Halo, you want to play?"

 

They play Halo for a couple hours, a game that Cas is surprisingly good at, for a nerdy pacifist, and that Dean freaking excels at. Finally, Cas pauses the game and turns to Dean. "Okay, Dean, time to talk. I know you don't want to, but we've been playing Halo for too long."

"No such thing as too much Halo."

"Dean."

"Okay, okay. What do you need to say? I feel like you said it all anyway. These are going to be the gayest two weeks of my life but I'm willing to do this for you because you're my best friend and that's what friends do and because I know you'd do it for me."

"Yes, I know, we already covered that. What we need to talk about is the exact boundaries. If we don't have boundaries and one of us does something the other isn't comfortable with in front of my parents, or for that matter, yours, it's going to blow our cover completely."

"Okay, so what, we draw the line at actually fucking and we only act like a couple around your folks and we don't develop feelings for each other?"

"Yes. We won't have sex. But, Dean, I think we should keep up the charade the entire time. It will be too difficult to remember when we're a couple and when we're not. We don't have to kiss when we aren't around my parents but we should sit next to each other, call each other by pet names if that is something we're going to do, act in all ways like we are actually dating."

"Yeah, okay, sure. And Cas..." Dean hesitates. He can't believe he's about to say this. It's about to be the gayest thing he's ever done.  _High school is a time for experimentation,_ he consoles himself,  _and you're doing it for Cas._ "I was thinking, if we're going to make this work, it better look like we've done it before? The kissing, I mean." Let it never be said that Dean Winchester does anything half assed.

"You mean you think we should kiss right now in order to practice for doing it in front of my parents?" Cas is doing that adorable - and Dean means adorable in the most heterosexual way possible - tilted head, squinty eyes, confused thing.

"Yeah. Practice. Not that I doubt my own ability to kiss passionately but you know, just in case." He giggles nervously. Not nervously. In a manly way. Dean Winchester doesn't giggle.

"Okay."

And then they're quiet. Staring at each other. You could cut the tension in the air with a knife. Dean isn't breathing. He doesn't think Cas is either. His heart is literally racing and honestly he thought that only happened in dumb romance novels.

And then Cas' mouth touches his. Just a tiny, feather light brush of lips, before they both pull away, sort of shocked. "Um." Dean says, eloquently.

"Shall we try again, then? That was sort of lacking the whole 'passionate' bit, don't you think?"

"Ha ha Cas, very funny. Yes, try again." Dean tries to laugh to dispel the tension but his stomach is churning and his mouth is tingling and he didn't know kissing could be so intense.

This time it's Dean who leans across the couch and kisses Cas. And it's better this time. It's so much better. Cas' mouth is hot and soft and he kisses Dean so hard, and Dean's entire body seems to be clenching, fireworks lighting up his body, oh god he can barely stand it, and so he pulls away ever so slightly to nibble on Cas' bottom lip and Cas  _shivers_ all over and oh, Dean realizes that he's pressed up against Cas so tight he can feel his shivers and that is  _so hot._ Cas's tongue is in Dean's mouth, hot and insistent and Dean's hands seem to have a mind of their own, one on the back of Cas' head, tangling in his hair and one sliding down, to the small of his back, over his hips, slipping under Cas' t-shirt to grab his hot skin, hard enough to leave bruises, and all this time Cas is fucking plundering Dean's mouth, so hot and intense Dean can barely think. And somehow they are laying down and Cas is on top of Dean and Dean grinds his hips up into Cas before he can even consider what he's doing and he can feel Cas' cock half hard and heavy.

Shit.

He and Cas pull back at exactly the same time. Shit shit shit. 

It is quiet for a long time. Neither of them looks at the other. Dean doesn't know about Cas, but he isn't looking because he can't stand to see how hot Cas looks with his mouth all red and swollen from kissing and his hair a mess - _Dean did that_ \- and oh his t-shirt is hooked up around his stomach showing a sliver of skin and he looks like this  _because of Dean_ and Dean can't look at him because he'll start kissing him again.

Shit.

"So." Cas says. 

"Um." he adds.

"How was that for passionate?" Dean asks.

And then they both start laughing and they can't stop and the tension leaches out of both of them and it stops being awkward, at least for a bit. At least while they're laughing.

Dean tries not to think about his half hard cock or how Cas' mouth felt better against his own then any of the girls he's hooked up with in his life.

That's a thought for another time.


	3. Arrival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Sam and the Novak family arrive at the cabin after a long car ride and it becomes apparent just how bad Sam and Gabe need to just hook up already.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my lovelies, as always, thanks for commenting. 
> 
> Um, I guess, sorry in advance if Sam is a bit OOC, I guess I didn't really know how to characterize him without his whole angst side so I tried to go season one, pre death of Jess :( but IDK how that worked out. Let me know if you have any suggestions.
> 
> Also, I'd like to say I really ship Sam and Jess like crazy but I couldn't figure out how to make her part of the story and Sabriel is cute too, so here we are.
> 
> When I wrote this chapter it was like twice as long and it included dinner with the Novaks which was super awkward and also Cas and Dean falling asleep together after a long moonlight walk, but it was way too long, so I guess y'all have that to look forward to for tomorrow or Wednesday?
> 
> Wow that's a lot of notes. 
> 
> Without further ado, Chapter Three.

During dinner on Thursday night, Dean tells his family about Cas and the vacation and that Sammy was invited. He tries to present it in the best possible light to get his parents to allow him to go and he also tries to not look at anyone as he's telling them that he and Cas are dating. This is because he can already tell what facial expressions his family will be wearing without looking. Sam is going to be smirking like the little bitch he is, like he knows everything, and John is going to look vaguely confused and just a tiny bit disappointed, although Dean knows he'll try to hide it for the sake of peace and his son's happiness. Mary will be smiling and maybe crying a bit. She always loved Cas and she'll be so happy Dean has someone important to him.

It takes some doing, but Dean manages to convince his family to let him and Sam go along with the Novaks to their cabin for break and he even gets them to agree to come for Christmas dinner. Mary looks unnecessarily excited about it all, in Dean's opinion. He's already worried it will freaking break her heart when he tells them that he and Cas broke up.

Because he will. Tell them. Obviously. Because he and Cas aren't dating. Obviously. No matter how good it feels to kiss him. Which it doesn't. Obviously.

Anyway.

Dean spends all of Friday avoiding Sam, because he can already imagine what Sam'll say if he manages to get him alone.

Dinner on Friday night is spent mostly listening to Sam make thinly veiled remarks about Cas and Dean and also chatter on and on about spending the holidays with Gabe. Honestly, Dean doesn't know how Sam can possibly tease  _him_ about his supposed boyfriend when Sam is  _so clearly_ in love with Gabe. Like absolutely madly in love. Dean just rolls his eyes. What has he done?

Unfortunately for Dean, after dinner Sam pops his head into Dean's room - dammit how did he possibly forget to lock his doors after all the precautions he'd taken - and smiles hugely.

"Dean! Hey!"

"Oh my god Sam go away."

Sam ignores him. Dean is shocked, really he is.

"So."

Sam pauses infuriatingly.

"So."

"Dammit Sammy if you aren't going to say anything then why are you in here anyway?" 

"I was just wondering what the best way to phrase the obvious thing is. I mean, _you_ and _Cas_ _?_ Oh my God!"

Sam is definitely squealing, Dean notes with resignation.

"Yes Sam, that is very astute of you, thank you for your observation, will you go now?"

"I just - I know how long you've liked him and it's finally happening and I'm so happy for you and we're going to spend  _all break_ with them and I'm just so excited and I'm so glad you're happy too and I don't mean to make it awkward but Cas is super hot too - I mean objectively speaking - so good for you on that too!"

Dean thinks that Sam probably keeps talking but he lost concentration on the bit about how long Dean has liked Cas. Because, what? 

"Wait, what?"

"I said that Cas seemed super happy the couple times I've seen - "

"No, what was that part about me liking him for a long time?"

"Oh, it's obvious, isn't it? You always laugh more when he's around and like stare at him all the time and you always wear that ring he gave you that one time even though you never wear any other jewelry and it's just so obvious. You did like him before, didn't you?"

"Yeah, yeah, of course..." Dean trails off. He doesn't do that, does he? He didn't think he had a crush on Cas. Sure, he  _might_ have liked kissing him, just a little bit, and  _maybe_ he thought Cas was kind of hot, but he and Cas were just friends. Sure they were just friends who were currently fake dating and not-fake making out occasionally, but really, completely platonic. Right?

 

 

Saturday morning dawns gray and cloudy and as Dean is grabbing his suitcase to head out to Cas' car it starts raining. He breaks into a run and drops into the shotgun seat just as the rain starts coming down in earnest. Dean smiles at Cas and then out of the corner of his eyes catches sight of Gabe sitting, uncharacteristically, in the back seat, so he leans in and kisses Cas lightly, just a tiny brush of their mouths, because he really doesn't need to make this drive with a boner. 

Then he turns around and smiles at Gabe, looking for all the world like someone who is just happy to be hanging out with his boyfriend and not at all like someone who is currently struggling with his own interior little gay panic. "What's up? Why are you sitting in the back?"

"Oh you know." Gabe shrugs. "I just didn't want to interrupt you and Cas gaying it up by making you sit in the back. I am nice occasionally."

Cas chooses that moment to chime in. "I believe it's because he wants to sit next to Sam on the car ride and he couldn't do that by sitting in the front."

"Cas!" Gabe's expression is fucking priceless, really it is, Dean wants to take a picture and hang it on his wall.

"Me and Cas gaying it up? Was it possible you wanted to do some gaying up yourself?"

RIght then Sammy arrives soaking wet from the rain and yanks the car door open. "What about Gabe gaying up?"

"Oh nothing," Gabe says, trying to look confident and convincing. 

"I'm so sure. Gabe here was just saying how he wanted to do some not so heterosexual things to -"

"YES THAT'S enough thank you Dean, let's all just be quiet now."

They're all quiet for a little while, as Sam turns around and shoves his suitcase into the trunk from the backseat. Cas takes Dean's hand, subtly, and Dean tries not to notice the butterflies that immediately awaken in his stomach.

Just as the silence is getting awkward, Sam asks where Michael and Anna are.

"They chose to ride with our parents because they didn't want to spend time with all of us 'crazy hormonal teenagers' were I believe Anna's words." Cas says. Dean laughs, and then remembers what Sam said about him laughing all the time at stuff Cas says and stops laughing abruptly. Then realizes awkwardly that probably laughing and then immediately stopping probably looks worse than laughing regularly. He considers starting to laugh again and then falls into a disgruntled silence.

"Well." Gabe says. "That was awkward."

"Yes, thank you Gabe, please don't make fun of Dean."

"Aww." Shut up Sam. "Cas is defending his _boyfriend._ " Really really shut up Sam.

The ride continues like this, mostly with Dean feeling distracted and strangely turned on in a way that definitely has nothing to do with Cas' hand on his thigh or the constant, nagging memory of kissing Cas. Sam and Gabe flirt incessantly, really it's kind of annoying, and Cas chimes in occasionally to point out how much they like each other, at which point Sam and Gabe both fall silent and blush and look at each other and then look away. And all the time the rain pours down on the roof of Cas' car and Dean feels the warmth of Cas' hand on his leg, solid and heavy and reassuring.

 

 

 

When they finally get to the cabin, it's stopped raining, more or less, and Cas' parents are already there with Anna and Michael and they all start unloading suitcases before Dean remembers that he hasn't met Cas' parents as Cas' boyfriend yet, just as Cas' best friend and he kind of wonders what the correct thing to say in this situation would be. 

Then he figures there are no situations like this one.

So he keeps unpacking the trunk.

He and Cas carry their suitcases up the stairs to their shared bedroom together and oh, Dean loves this bedroom. It's so clean, and so plain - not quite stark, but definitely with no flourishes, just clean hard surfaces and nice sharp lines and solid colors. The bedspread is navy and the curtains are white and the rug is dark forest green and all the wood is dark and polished and the walls are white and it's so lovely. 

Dean appreciates this room almost as much as he appreciates the person he will occupy it with. 

He can't help it; he glances at the bed, feeling embarrassed but also feeling like he has every right to look at where he'll be sleeping and why is he embarrassed anyway? He shouldn't be. Okay. He isn't. At least, he isn't until he feels eyes on him and looks up to see Cas staring at him and then his cheeks go bright red - he's not quite sure why. 

They unpack and then Dean sprawls out on the bed, trying to relax, trying not to feel the tension in the room, trying not to think about how close Cas is, sitting on the edge of the bed, inches away, and what if he just reached his hand over, he could reach Dean's stomach and walk his fingers up Dean's chest and then maybe they could get on with that kissing - nope.

Dean is not going there.

To fill the silence, he says, "How about Sammy and Gabe, huh? They have it bad."

"Yes, Dean, they do. Gabriel actually told me once that he would like to date Sam, did you know that?"

Dean and Cas fall into their usual banter and the awkwardness leaks away, both of them just forgetting about it and finally Cas rolls over and lays down next to Dean. They are silent together, both laying on their backs in the big bed, staring up at the ceiling and Dean's hand finds Cas' and neither of them says anything about it.


	4. Saturday Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean experience one of the most awkward meet-the-parents dinners in the world and Naomi is a bit of a bitch (shocker, amirite?) and then go on a long walk and sort of get rid of some of the awkwardness, but not really. Dean continues to convince himself that he is straight. Obviously.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, here's the moonlight walk - awkward dinner - sleeping in the same bed chapter. Poor gay babies.
> 
> Sorry it took so long to get this up, I swear I haven't had a spare moment. Anyway, as always, thanks for reviewing. It totally makes my day. 
> 
> Without further ado, Chapter Four.

Dean actually falls asleep still holding Cas' hand but he's shaken awake a couple minutes later by Cas, who informs him, just as he's hearing Naomi calling, that it's time for dinner.

He groans and falls back onto his pillow. "Caaaass no can we not?"

Cas laughs and pokes his stomach, which makes Dean grumble and try to look pissed off and fail utterly. He looks up at Cas, whose back is to the window, and the grey cloudy light from outside catches in his hair. In his sleepy haze Dean doesn't quite manage to stop himself from thinking that Cas looks like he's living up to his full name. Then he groans again at how cliche he's being. But gosh, Castiel is beautiful. Really. He's got the clearest, bluest eyes of anybody Dean ever saw and when he laughs he gets little crinkles around them which is just the most adorable thing Dean can think of.

But anyway.

He and Cas get up, with much grumbling and yawning and Dean changes his crumpled T shirt to a black button up, even though Cas tells him not to worry about it looking nice.

Then they troop downstairs. Everyone except Michael and Cas' dad are already standing around the kitchen, and they all look up when they see Cas and Dean. 

Gabe smirks - the classically smug Gabe look that everyone in the room knows way too well. "What were you crazy kids getting up to in there?"

Cas blushes and Dean rolls his eyes. 

"What's it to you, shorty?" 

To be fair, Gabe is not _that_ much shorter than Dean but Dean still milks it every chance he gets.

"Well, I want to be sure you're treating my little bro right."

"Gabriel, I am only a year younger than you and I assure you, Dean is very kind. And anyway, I can take of myself."

Dean tries not to find it adorable how Cas looks when he's grumpy. He fails epically at this task.

At this moment, Mr. Novak and Michael came trooping in, and Dean realizes that they've been working on a car. He takes a moment to find this funny. Mr. Novak is the most serious person Dean has ever met. He doesn't know his first name. He doesn't even know if he  _has_ a first name. Dean's never seen him laugh and he is about six foot six with silver hair and wrinkles and little half moon glasses. One time Sammy said that Mr. Novak looks like Dumbledore if Dumbledore cut his hair and wore suits and was the CEO of, like, everything. He's the wisest person Dean ever met.

Mr. Novak and Michael wash their hands and then they all head to the dining room and Mr. Novak sits down at the head of the table with Michael on his left and Mrs. Novak on his right.

Mrs. Novak is not quite as terrifying as Cas' dad, but not by much. She's thin and blonde and speaks in a hard voice that seems to forgive nothing. Dean suddenly misses his own mother and then wonders where that came from. 

Gabe and Sammy sit down next to Michael and then Dean and Cas sit beside Naomi and Anna heads to the end of the table and plops down in her chair, looking for all the world like this is not the most stressful thing she's ever done.

Dean realizes that for her, it probably isn't.

His stomach is tight and he feels like he's going to pass out and he doesn't know if he'll be able to eat anything.

He's reaching for the bread when Sam kicks him under the table. Everyone is staring at him. "Um," he says, diplomatically.

"We say grace before we eat, Dean." Mrs. Novak is looking at her most disapproving and bitchy and Dean clears his throat.

"Oh. Yeah. Definitely. Uh, let's pray, folks." He tries to smile but Cas is the only person who laughs, somewhat hesitantly.

Dean glances down at his lap to hide his blush and when he looks up everyone has bowed their heads and Dean thinks they're probably praying.

Shit.

He ducks his head again but he thinks his neck might be bent too much and it probably looks weird. What are you even supposed to say in a prayer? Dean has no idea. He can count the amount of times he's prayed in his life on one hand.

Instead, he settles for grumbling to himself about stupid religion. Anyway, he  _knew_ that Cas' family is very religious and he knew that they always prayed at dinner. He's gone through this awkward head folding thing plenty of times he's eaten over at Cas' house, but he just forgot because of the nerves. It wasn't even his fault, really.

Mr. Novak solemnly intones "Amen." and everyone echoes the word, even Dean, although he's a second late and it sounds bad.

This time, Dean knows better then to just reach for the food and he waits for Mr. Novak to serve himself and then for Mrs. Novak and only grabs his fork when Cas picks his up.

"So. Dean."

Here goes nothing.

"Yes, ma'am?"

"How is your schoolwork going?"

Dean sighs internally. This entire conversation is so fucking stereotypical. He can't believe it. Cas owes him so big for this. THEY AREN'T EVEN DATING FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.

Ahem

Anyway

Mrs. Novak is looking at him weirdly. Oh yeah, she asked him a question.

"Um, good. Awesome. I, uh, had a test on Friday in Chemistry and I think I nailed it."

He hadn't, actually. Actually, he'd spent the entirety of the test period thinking about Cas and pretending to not be thinking about Cas. He figured, if he was lucky, he'd pulled a C-. More likely, he'd have to do the retake.

"That's very good. I wouldn't want you to be distracted from your studies by anything, you hear?"

What Dean hears is that they aren't talking about him anymore.

"Yes ma'am, of course not." He really shouldn't do this. He's going to do it anyway. "Not that your son here can't be quite the distraction sometimes, hey Cas?"

"Yes, Dean, but of course we stay focused on our schoolwork first."

Dean would really really like to tell some BS story about how one time he and Cas sexted through an entire class but he guesses that Cas might fake-dump if he did that, and Mrs. Novak would never let him near her children again.

"Yup, definitely."

There is a very long pause, during which Dean tries to chew quietly and probably fails and Cas taps their feet together lightly under the table and Mr. Novak stares imperiously at Dean.

Finally, he says, "Do you love my son, Mr. Winchester?"

 _What??_  

"Excuse me?"

"I asked if you love my son."

" _Dad!!_ " Cas looks utterly appalled.

"I am asking your boyfriend a question."

Of course he loves Cas. Not in the way Mr. Novak is probably thinking, definitely not, but, come on, they've been friends since kindergarten.

"Yessir, of course I do. More then anything."

"Daawww." Leave it to Gabe to chime in at the worst time possible. "Look at you fricken lovebirds all cuddled up."

Dean thinks Sam might kick Gabe under the table because he stops talking fairly quickly afterward and winces.

The silence gets long again. 

Dean realizes that now may be the time for praying. Like, if he prayed. He would really, really like for someone to say something. Anything.

And of course, when Mrs. Novak does, what she says is, "I don't approve of you going out with my son, Dean. If his grades drop at all, or I see him with any illegal substances, ever, or anything at all like that, I will forbid you from ever seeing him again. I mean it. Don't test me. You are a bad influence."

Jesus. Dean kind of can't believe it. What a bitch.

"Yes ma'am. Of course, ma'am."

Cas appears to be trying to slide under the table, but when Dean looks over at him, he suddenly sits up and kisses Dean. Hard, right there in front of his parents and his siblings and the world. Dean tries to remember that he feels awkward and humiliated but all of it slides away under the feeling of Cas' hot mouth, so fucking intense. Dean's toes curl in his sneakers and fireworks explode in his wrists and stomach and before he knows it Cas is pulling away again, looking fierce and angry and so  _so_ awesome. Awesome in the fullest sense of the word. Awesome like terrifying. Like an avenging angel or something. 

"I do not ever want you to speak to my boyfriend that way again, Mother. Dean is my best friend and I am in love with him and neither of us wants to hear your old sour BITCHINESS DIRECTED AT DEAN EVER AGAIN. DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?" Cas is yelling by now, and Naomi looks angrier then Dean has ever seen her look.

"Come on Dean, we're going." Cas grabs his hand and pulls him up and then storms out of the dining room. Everyone is completely silent, staring at Dean. He hesitates for exactly one moment and his impulsivity takes hold of him and he grabs a chicken leg and flips Naomi Novak off before turning around and following Cas out the door.

 

Dean finds Cas outside, looking angry and sad and humiliated. As soon as Dean closes the door behind him, Cas stands, looking guilty and hurries towards Dean, mouth already open to apologize - what for, Dean doesn't know, because Cas defending him against his scaryass mother was one of the coolest things Dean's ever seen and so he stops him. He grabs Cas and whirls him around and shoves him against the closed door and kisses him as hard as he can. He shoves his tongue into Cas' mouth and grabs his hips so tightly he's going to leave bruises and there is nothing nice about this kiss, nothing sweet, it's hard and possessive and angry.

And then suddenly, he realizes what he's doing and pulls off, feeling shocked and nervous and turned on and, most of all, scared of Cas' reaction, all at once.

"Sorry. I - sorry - I didn't mean to - I was just - " he stumbles over his words, trying to find an excuse, trying to find something to say, something, anything that would excuse that kiss, because that wasn't okay, there was no one watching and -

"It's fine, Dean. Will you walk with me?"

 

It's dark out already, but the moon is completely full tonight and it shines through the trees, leaving the forest almost as bright as day. For just a moment, Dean thinks about werewolves and what if Cas is a werewolf? And then he laughs at himself. What a weird thought.

Cas and Dean walk in complete silence for a long time, each lost in his own thoughts but conscious of the person next to him at the same time.

Finally, Cas breaks the silence to say, "Look, Dean, about my mom. I'm sorry. I had no idea she was going to do that. I don't know what that was, usually she likes you or at least respects you - she thinks you're smart and stuff. I don't know why she bitched out all of a sudden."

"Do you think it has anything to do with my 'dating' - yes, Dean makes air quotes - you and my lack of boobs?"

He hates to suggest it, but it's just the kind of thing that incredibly religious, Bible-loving Naomi Novak would do.

"I don't know." Cas says. "Maybe. I know her parents were incredibly homophobic but I thought she was better."

"Yeah, well." Dean says shortly, and they fall quiet again.

A couple minutes later, Cas says, "Dean, I -" and then lapses into silence.

"I, uh, wanted to say that I really - appreciate what you're doing for me. I know it must be difficult because of my mom and because you're straight and you could be at home hooking up with hot chicks and playing video games and I just wanted to say that I'm so grateful and if there's anything I can do to make it up to you I will, of course - I just - thank you."

Dean laughs. "Yeah, of course, man, it isn't that bad. I mean, sure, _you're_  kind of shitty company but I can hang out with Gabe or something." 

Cas rolls his eyes and the tension is forgotten. They start walking back, because it's been nearly an hour and Naomi has probably cooled off by now (or at least they hope so). They chatter about nothing, about Halo and the new Harry Potter movie - Cas isn't quite gay enough not to appreciate how incredibly hot Emma Watson is - and Dean teases Cas and Cas blushes furiously as always and by the time they get back to the house they're almost giddy with the fresh air and the laughter and the joy of just hanging out together.

 

They sneak in the back door and head up the stairs quietly. Cas' parents are already asleep - the space under their door is dark and they can hear Mrs. Novak snoring, which Dean, in his giddy state finds almost unspeakably funny and he starts laughing - silently until the tears run down his face and he's grabbing his stomach. Cas laughs too, helplessly, and, clinging to each other they head to their room. 

They decide not to shower because they don't want to wake up Cas' parents, but they switch off brushing their teeth and getting changed and Dean  _almost_ manages to not even think about rushing into the bedroom and catching Cas half dressed and what would happen then.

Then they roll into their sides of the king size bed and Dean tells himself not to worry - that it's plenty big enough for both of them to sleep the entire night without even getting close to each other and it's fine, it's fine, it's fine. 

He rolls to face Cas and finds him already staring at Dean, their faces inches apart and Dean nearly jumps out of his skin. "Jesus, Cas! We've talked about this. Personal space." 

"Oh yeah. Sorry Dean." He scoots back and rolls over so that he's looking at the ceiling instead of at Dean.

"Um." Dean feels like the situation calls for some words but he honestly can't think of anything to say. His stomach is fluttering and he can feel the beginnings of a hard on - which, what? What is that about? He decides to ignore it. Probably one of those weird ones that happens just whenever for no reason. "I'm going to go to sleep now, is that okay?"

"Yes, Dean. Goodnight."

"Night, Cas."


	5. Golden Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean go to church and Cas wears a waistcoat, and Sammy and Gabe have a secret for about half an hour, because they suck at being sneaky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The outfit I describe Cas wearing here is one that Misha actually wore at one of the cons (don't know which one, sorry) and it is incredibly sexy. Here's a link to a picture of it :)  
> http://mishaf-ckingcollins.tumblr.com/post/36960405101  
> Let us all take a moment to offer up a prayer of thanks for the gift that is Misha Collins in a waistcoat.
> 
> Other than that, I can only apologize profusely for my utter lack of updates in the last couple months. But, good news, I'm FINALLY out of school so we can expect much more regular updates hopefully.
> 
> And without further ado, Chapter Five.

Dean wakes up feeling as though he is being strangled by a warm, soft, sleep-smelling octopus. He is also the most comfy he has been in a while, but that is completely beside the point.

It turns out that Cas is sort of a clingy sleeper. He has one arm wrapped up around Dean's neck and one around his waist. Their legs are tangled and, most miraculous of all, Cas has somehow managed to wedge himself halfway underneath Dean.

Dean would love to complain, only, he isn't actually that resentful, to be completely honest. Cas smells kind of good, like sleep and soap and clean sheets and his slow even breath is tickling the soft hairs on the back of Dean's neck. He's also very warm and, well, Dean can't be blamed when he drifts back into sleep to the slow rumbling vibrations from Cas behind him.

When he wakes up again, it's at almost exactly the same time as Cas, who is carefully untangling himself from Dean. When he sees Dean's eyes open, he blushes and gets the most adorable embarrassed look on his face. Dean smiles and reaches his hand up to trace over Cas' sleep swollen eyelids, because the skin looks so soft and the sun is shining in through the window, casting a golden light on everything and making Cas look angelic.

When Cas laughs softly, he can feel the rumble of it against his side. "Hi."

Dean feels light and careless for only a moment longer before he realizes that there isn't anything remotely straight about this and then he tries to pull himself away as quickly and inoffensively as possible. He sits up fast, getting away from Cas, out from under the covers, all the way over on his side of the bed. 

"Good morning." His voice sounds gruff and awkward even to him. He tries to soften the bluntness of it by clearing his throat and asking, "How'd ya sleep?"

"Alright." Cas says, but the moment is lost and the tension is back.

 

They get dressed for Sunday morning mass. Dean isn't really religious but he knows better than to question the Novak family traditions. Cas? Dean doesn't really know Cas's opinion on any of it. It seems like most of the time, Cas is just a normal, atheist, twenty-first century dude, except every once in a while, something happens and Cas will start praying - really praying, like his life depends on it - and Dean will just be blown away by the magnitude of his faith. 

So they get dressed for church. Dean showers first, shaves, brushes his teeth, and gets dressed. He's brought two nice outfits for this very purpose. Well, they aren't really nice but they're dressy, sort of. He's got dark jeans and a forest green button down with a skinny black tie and even dressy shoes. Tight black shiny ones that pinch his toes and give him blisters. That's okay though. He's doing it for Cas.

Ahem. Anyway.

He finishes getting dressed and pulls out his phone and leans against the bed, for about one second, until Cas comes out of the bathroom, dressed up in this plain silky grey button down and tight suit pants and a red tie and none of this is the best part. Cas is wearing this frankly sinful black waistcoat that shows off every aspect of his lean figure; it's tight in all the right places and _holy shit_ , Dean had no idea quiet, nerdy Cas could be this fucking sexy, and Dean has to suck in his breath as his gut twinges and his heart stutters.

Holy fuck.

Dean clears his throat and wills himself not to get a boner. Because really. He's straight. At least, he thought he was?

No.

Wait.

Yes. 

Dean Winchester is straight. Totally.

Okay. 

He breathes in again and then releases the breath as slowly and calmly as he can, and then he looks up at Cas again.

This time, he manages to convince himself that his gut isn't fluttering and that he is really only appreciating Cas aesthetically, not because he has any desire whatsoever to rip that waistcoat off, pin Cas to the wall and - ahem.

Oh yeah. 

Cas is tilting his head at Dean, doing that squinty eyes - scrunched up nose thing that Dean totally does not find adorable. 

"Sorry." He says, gruffly. "Um, it's a little hot in here, don't you think?"

"Yes, Dean."

They hesitate a moment, and just as the silence is getting awkward, Dean clears his throat again and asks Cas if he thinks they should go downstairs. Cas shrugs. "We've got a little more time, if you just want to chill up here for about ten minutes or so."

It's 8:20, and mass begins at 9:00. The Novak family has to drive twenty minutes to get to church and they like to get there a little early. Dean thinks of all of this in order to clear his head and attempts to forget how Cas looks in that waistcoat.

He swallows.

"Sure, Cas, yeah, that would be cool."

Cas comes and sits on the bed with Dean, and Dean absolutely doesn't think of the implications of that. He reminds himself that Cas, raised by God-loving, Catholic fanatics and in love with comic books and old movies, most likely has no idea that sitting on the bed you share with your pretend boyfriend, really, really close to said boyfriend can be interpreted in ways that are not totally G-rated.

"So." He says, and then immediately regrets it. His voice sounds weird. It's not at all as cool as it sounded in his head. "Um."

"So." Cas replies, smiling.

"Um, what's up?" This is so awkward. Dean feels like his head is going to explode from the awkwardness. If Cas could just scoot away from him a little, he might be able to think, but Cas isn't scooting away, he's sitting way too close and he smells weirdly good, he smells like clean sheets and soap and fresh air, and a little like sleep, which might be because he just woke up, and oh yeah, Dean remembers how that was, when Cas was wrapped around him like that. He smiles a little to himself and his body feels warm and melancholy at once.

So. Yes. Dean is focusing. Dean swears he is focusing. He swears it on God. Or something. Ahem.

Cas sighs. "Not a lot, Dean, but I was just thinking, after mass, would you want to go out on a walk or something around town to get away from the family?"

"Yeah, sure, I'd be down. I've never been in that town before though." It's this little tiny village, out in the middle of nowhere, twenty minutes away from the cottage, and the reason Dean has never been is because whenever he used to stay over at Cas' house and then go to church in the morning, it was in the suburbs at Cas' usual house. They went to this huge chapel type place over there and it's plenty beautiful, Dean guesses, if you're into that sort of thing. This is his first time at the cottage and so he's never been into the village before.

Cas grins. "Oh, it's super cool, Dean, you'll love it. It's this tiny little town, almost a village, and they have a chapel, a general store, a few houses, a pub, and a little ice cream shop where the ten or so kids that live in town hang out, due to there being absolutely nothing else to do anywhere, at all, for like fifty miles. It's like, the town that time forgot or something. Almost no one has iPhones, or TVs and they still serve ice cream sundaes in glass mugs and it's sort of dusty and golden looking - "

Cas keeps rambling about the little town and Dean smiles without even noticing he's doing it. Cas' eyes are all lit up and the sun is in his hair again. He's totally babbling, but Dean loves it, loves the way he chatters and lights up all golden and beautiful.

They talk for a little while longer, and Dean manages not to get too distracted about every single thing about Cas and still speaks to him almost normally.

 

Eventually, he and Cas go downstairs and say good morning to Cas' family and Sam, and then they all pack into two cars and drive into town.

It seems to Dean that the entire morning is tinted golden, covered in sunshine, that the sky looks ancient and young and that he feels that way himself, new and old at once, and golden. Sam's teasing smirks make him laugh more than blush and when they get to the tiny chapel, Dean finds beauty in the stained glass and old dark wood and the bent heads of the worshipers, instead of feeling disdain and dislike, as he usually does.

Halfway through the sermon, Dean takes Cas' hand and doesn't make himself believe that it's because they're fake dating. He admits to himself that he's holding Cas' hand to hold it, to feel connected, to feel his warm, dry palm and his quiet steadiness, not to fool anyone. He thinks to himself that maybe he could get used to this. To a quiet town, to being surrounded by clean quiet people, to the hymns sounding like they're sung by angels, to this quiet peace in his stomach and to Cas beside him.

After church, they tell Mrs. Novak that they're just going to walk around and see the sights, and Gabriel, standing next to her, kind of snorts, but Dean sees him leaving with Sam later, so he figures Gabriel doesn't have any room to be smug. 

They go by the pub and see some of the houses, and then into the general store (aptly titled General Store), where Dean tries on a lacy apron and Castiel laughs, and then he ties this old fashioned gun belt onto his waist and strikes a pose and Dean flutters his hand in front of his face and pretends to faint. Cas catches him and sweeps him around before kissing him lightly on the mouth. Dean doesn't freak out, he just smiles against Cas' lips and feels the butterflies warming his stomach.

Eventually, they end up in the ice cream shop and Cas orders a root beer float and Dean orders this huge whopping sundae with everything on it, because it's been ages since breakfast and he's starving.

He's feeding Cas a bite of the sundae when Sam and Gabe walk in and  _holy fuck they're holding hands._  They haven't seen Dean and Cas yet and Dean freaks out, trying to whip out his phone and show Cas at the same time. Cas whirls around and knocks down his (thankfully empty) root beer float glass and Dean barely has time to snap a picture of Sam and Gabe before they glance over to see what the noise is.

Dean is sure that this is not what they were hoping to see. Cas has ice cream on his nose and is somehow managing to look sheepish and smug at the same time, with his root beer glass at his feet and Dean is smiling so big that he feels like his face will split open, holding his cell phone out gleefully to show the photo he took.

Never has an expression said "kill me now" more than Sam's does.

"Fuck." Gabe says, almost sadly.

"Fuck." Sam agrees.

That is when Dean breaks down laughing, and Cas is grinning too, until finally, he starts giggling and then the two of them are just dying in the booth, their faces red from laughter, shaking, hysterical, and Sam and Gabe just sort of look more and more dejected - you can literally see their hearts sinking - and that only makes Dean and Cas laugh harder.

When they finally recover, Cas manages to sit up and say, almost dignified, "Care to join us?"

They look as though there is nothing they would like less, but Sam nods slowly and they walk over to the booth (Dean notices they are still holding hands) and sit opposite Dean and Cas.

"So. Sammy." Dean says, trying to wipe the smirk off his face and failing, "Got any news?"

"Nope. None."

"None at all. Really."

Sam shakes his head.

"Absolutely nothing to share with me and Cas?"

He shakes his head more resolutely.

"Are you certain Gabriel doesn't have his hand on your leg at this moment?" Cas chimes in, and Gabe blushes and lifts his hand.

"Look, okay, fine, it happened, so what?" Sam says.

"So all this time you've been teasing me so much and blah blah blah and now look who's got a boyfriend." Dean says, laughing again.

They finish teasing Gabe and Sam, and then the four of them sit in the fading golden light, finishing their ice cream, chatting about everything, laughing and so happy. 

 _It feels too good to last_ , Dean thinks. He tries to ignore that voice, but he can't help thinking that this is too perfect, that Sam and Gabe getting together and Cas' hand warm on his thigh and their ankles entwined where the other two can't see, is just a little too good to be true.


	6. It All Comes Crashing Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this is where the angst begins, guys, sorry. It's been too cute and fluffy lately and I think we have to mix it up a little, amirite?
> 
> But also I totally suck at writing angst because I really just want them to be happy, so IDK how this is going to work out.
> 
> I haven't said this before, but I really like the idea of Dean having longish hair as a teenager (which is also why Sam has long hair now, to emulate Dean), and so I kind of touch on that in this but I imagine it looking sort of like princess curls, but shorter.
> 
> Also, I'm thinking of writing a Sabriel chapter, told from the perspective of Sam. It might also include some of his thoughts about Dean and Cas? I don't know, if you guys have an opinion, let me know.
> 
> IMPORTANT - Trigger warning for this chapter, by the way. There's huge amounts of swearing and homophobic language, self hatred, and maybe a little bit of child abuse? John Winchester shows up in Dean's head, but it's just verbal and not too graphic on that front.
> 
> I kind of hated Dean at the end of this chapter, but I think he had to get it out. He's under so much pressure, it's terrible. 
> 
> As always, thanks for commenting and giving kudos, it totally makes my day :)
> 
> Without further ado, chapter 6.

One morning, a few days after that perfect Sunday, Cas wakes up first and has time to disentangle himself from Dean, should he want to. He doesn't though, because he's just staring at Dean, thinking how innocent and young and sweet he looks sleeping. Of course, Dean  _is_ all of those things, but sometimes he has this look that Cas just hates, where he gets so sad, gets this mournful, weight-of-the-world color to his green eyes and a slump in his shoulders. It makes Cas' heart ache.

So when Dean wakes up and feels Cas' gaze on him, he can't bring himself to open his eyes. He wants to melt in the sunshine light of Cas's aura. But the moment is evanescent because Dean can hear his father's voice in his head whispering _Ar_ _e you gay, Dean? Is that what this is about? You want a man to put his cock in you? Why don't we go out and buy you some rainbow underwear? You can't drive the Impala anymore either. That's a car for men, not fairies_ _._  His stomach aches and he rolls away from Cas, extracts himself from the heaven in Cas' arms, and feels the sheets cold and unforgiving underneath him, out of the warm niche they'd dug together.

He opens his eyes and sits up. Cas is staring at him, looking absolutely tragic. "Who killed your grandma?" Dean snaps, feeling suddenly pissed off for no reason whatsoever. Cas looks away and then gets out of bed without saying anything. There is a horrible sad dignity about him and it makes Dean hate him so much at that moment. 

Dean buries his face in the obnoxiously soft pillows and listens to Cas dressing quietly in the bathroom. He wants to scream at him, in all his peace and hateful calm, and at the same time he hates himself. But he doesn't listen to that voice, just the other one, the one that can push the hatred onto Cas and Cas' parents and these stupid fucking pillows that are really way too soft.

When he hears Cas leave, Dean gets up and goes into the bathroom. There, he ruffles his bedhead to make it even more wild and curly and rinses out his mouth. Then he pulls an unwashed flannel button down, which he leaves unbuttoned purposefully, over his loose sweats and stomps downstairs.

Dean Winchester is in a truly foul mood.

 

Gabe and Sam are curled up on the couch under a blanket in the living room. Dean groans when he sees them. Sam's fucking reading out loud to Gabe, and Gabe is staring at him like he is the morning sun bringing light to a sleeping purple world. Dean feels like throwing up.

When he makes a gagging noise, Gabe looks up and grins. "Good morning, sunshine," Gabe says. "Don't you look lovely this fine morning?"

"Fuck off." Dean replies.

"Goodness, aren't we grouchy?"

It is probably best for everyone if Dean ignores him. So he goes into the kitchen where he finds the rest of the Novak family - except, thank God, Mrs. Novak, because Dean doesn't know what he'll do if she delivers another poorly concealed insult or desultory commentary on his relationship with Cas.

Anna and Michael are playing BS at the kitchen table, both of them holding mugs of tea, which makes Dean smirk despite himself. It just looks so out of place, the two of them, in their incredible dignity, wrapped in old bathrobes and playing a card game. Anna smiles at him when he comes in and he barely manages to hide his smirk with a nod. 

Mr. Novak is already dressed in what Dean assumes is his casual wear - pale blue button down and black slacks, but his feet are bare and his beard is a little snarled. And Cas is sitting on the counter with another mug of tea - seriously does everyone in this family drink tea? - and he alone does not smile at Dean. He doesn't seem angry, just tired - tired, Dean thinks, of all of Dean's bullshit - but he only meets Dean's eye for a second before looking away. 

Dean gets coffee from the coffee maker by the sink (Gabe had some, so Dean knew there must be coffee somewhere even though it seems like tea is the beverage of choice in this family), and takes a huge gulp. 

His tongue practically blisters. Tears spring into his eyes and he can feel the liquid burning all the way down to his stomach. He splutters and curses and ducks his head under the sink to gulp cold water. When he comes up, he feels so pissed off he can barely breathe. It just isn't fair. Is everything fucking conspiring against him today? What the fuck is up with everything? He hates it, hates Michael and Anna who have put aside their game and are smirking at him from the table and he hates Mr. Novak who is looking slightly concerned and slightly disturbed and he hates Cas, who is looking at him like he's some sort of fucking science project.

He storms outside. 

 

Cas gets up and follows Dean out the front door, taking a moment to slide his toes into his sneakers and grab a pair of Ugg boots for Dean, who had left the house barefoot. It's not snowing yet, but it's not as warm as it has been, either and there's frost coating the ground. 

He has to jog a little to catch up with him, but it's not hard to follow Dean's prints in the frost, and Cas admires Dean's stubbornness and his willingness to sacrifice toes to make a point. Still, he can't help feeling relieved when he reaches Dean and finds him sitting on a tree stump rubbing feeling back into his feet.

"Hello, Dean."

Dean's head snaps up, and huffs when he sees Cas. He sees his own breath as a white puff against the stark brown and grey background. "Can I help you?"

"I brought you shoes."

Despite himself, Dean can't help but be grateful when he sees his old Uggs in Cas' hand. He very briefly considers declining them to make a point but the tingling in his feet decides for him.

"Fine." He reaches out and grabs them from Cas' outstretched hand, feeling very huffy and hating the snow for making it impossible even to make a decent storm-out to retrieve some of his dignity. "Is there anything else?" He tries to look angry and proud but the effect is somewhat ruined by the involuntary moan that escapes his lips when his feet slide into his boots. 

Cas comes up to him, leans over and kisses him lightly on the lips.

Dean very nearly returns the kiss, but just in time catches himself, shoves Cas backward and stands up. "What the hell, Cas? Is there someone here that I didn't see? Is there something that I'm missing? Are we in love now?" He tries to say "in love" with derision, but there is a tiny quaver in his voice that he can't quite hide.

"Dean, I--"

"No, Cas, why don't you shut the fuck up and listen to me. We are not dating. We are not in love. There is nothing between us. You want to know why? Because I'm not fucking gay. I'm not a gay fucking fairy. I don't want your hands on me, I don't want to kiss you, I don't want your big dick in my ass. As soon as this fucking trip is over I'm going to go out and find myself a hot chick and I'm going to fuck her pussy until she cries and she's going to love it, because I'M NOT A FAGGOT LIKE YOU!!"

Dean's voice breaks and he comes back to himself, panting. He catches his breath and hates himself. Cas is staring at him, and his eyes look like shattered glass the color of the sky. His skin is as pale as the ice around them and Dean swears that a piece of Cas has broken irreparably.

"Cas, I'm sorry." But Cas is already gone. 


	7. Sam Makes Everything Better (Sort Of)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Dean talk it out and there is a blatant lack of Cas (because I'm trying to keep it canon) (get it because the spn writers never ever put Cas in) (don't worry he's in there a little) (I couldn't take him out all the way) (anyway)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, guys, I know this isn't the satisfying Dean and Cas confrontation that you were all looking for but I thought this story needed more Sam and also it needed to address Dean's fear of admitting that he likes men (and by men I mean Cas).
> 
> The Dean/Cas discussion is next chapter, and I've already got it all written out in my head and I think it's going to be good. We'll see.
> 
> I'd also like to apologize a little for the last chapter because I know it caused strife, but hopefully this and the next update will make up for it. We have nowhere to go but up.
> 
> As always, thanks for reviewing, it means the world to me, really.
> 
> Without further ado, chapter seven.

The next morning Dean wakes up cold and uncomfortable with a sickish feeling in his gut. It takes him a moment to orient himself and when he does he wants to start crying all over again. He’s lying on the ground with his pillow and a blanket. Even though Cas hadn’t shown up for dinner last night, and then hadn’t come into the room until after Dean was asleep, he’d decided to sleep on the floor.

This decision was partly for Cas’ benefit – he wanted to make sure that Cas could get a decent night’s sleep by himself in bed if he ever did make it home, and partly for his own. He felt he deserved this. He felt like the discomfort in his ribs and back, the gritty ache in his eyes from too little sleep was penance for his sins.

He stands up and walks over to the bed. He can’t tell if it’s been slept in, because Cas makes beds more meticulously than anyone he’s ever met. He thinks it may have been. Or maybe he’s just hoping it has been.

Dean exhales shakily.

He heads downstairs for breakfast and sees Cas sitting on the counter the same as the previous morning, before everything had gone terrible. Dean feels all his limbs go weak with relief. He hadn’t realized until now that he was on the edge of something very like a nervous breakdown. Thank fucking god.

And then he realizes he has no fucking idea what to say or do. Cas is okay; he hadn’t offed himself in the night or run away from home or done anything insane. Dean doesn’t really know what to do now that his panic and worry have faded into the background.

He hesitates in the door of the kitchen. He feels as though he and Cas have to at least keep up appearances for the sake of Cas’ parents, but he also thinks that he has no right to even look at his best friend right now.

Dean is still standing in the doorway when Castiel looks up at him. The look in his eyes physically pains Dean. If you’ve ever been standing out in a thunderstorm in a field and watched lightning strike a tree, you might have some sense of how Dean feels. The look in Castiel’s eyes is like watching a natural disaster – beautiful, tragic and absolutely terrifying.

Basically, Cas is pissed.

Dean turns around and leaves the kitchen. He brushes past Sam and Gabe, who aren’t even pretending to read anymore and are just cuddling, feeling his stomach twisting itself into knots. He runs upstairs and slams the door to the bedroom. He’s so tired. He hates himself and he just wants to go home. He misses his mom.

He's lying on his bed staring at the ceiling and not crying, when he hears a quiet knock on the door. "Go away. I'm not in the fucking mood."

But the door opens quietly and when Dean rolls over and slings his legs off the bed, ready to stand up and fight his way out if necessary, it’s Sam.

He sighs and sits down again. "What, Sammy?"

Sam comes into the room and closes the door softly behind him. He pads over to Dean's bed and sits beside him on the bed. His movements are slow and measured and slightly cautious, as though he's approaching a wild animal.

"I'm just making sure you're alright, Dean. Is everything okay with you and Cas?"

 _No, it's not!!_  Dean wants to scream.  _Everything is not okay, everything is severely fucked up!!,_ he wants to say.  _I'M NOT GAY,_  he wants to shout to the rooftops.

What he says is, "Yeah, Sammy, it's fine. Don't worry about me."

"Are you sure?" Sam asks, because he's Sam, because he knows Dean better than anyone. "You don't seem fine."

"Sam, I'm - Cas and I - we're - What I'm trying to say is - well, CasandIaren'tactuallydating. And – and yesterday in the woods I kind of – I kind of told him that I wasn’t gay and I called him a f-faggot." His voice breaks on the word faggot; he feels ugly.

"What do you mean, Dean? Slow down. Explain it to me." Sam is doing his calming voice and face, and worse than that, it's working.

"Well, I mean, Cas' parents were pressuring him to find a girlfriend and he's gay and they wanted him to bring someone to the cabin and he panicked and said that we were dating, because he felt like he had to tell them he was gay and then they would get off his back about having a girlfriend and then he called me and told me it was fine if I couldn't do it and I said yes and now we're pretending to be dating - it's not cause I'm gay for him, Sammy, it's not, I mean, he's a good kisser and everything, but I'm not- I was just doing him a favor, that's what friends are for - favors and I'M NOT GAY.”

Dean hesitates a moment, feeling like he can’t possibly continue. He can’t make himself repeat the speech he gave Cas in the woods. But then he does.

“And, Sam, I told him that. I yelled it at him. I screamed at him. I told him he’s a faggot and a fairy and I – I told him that I only wanted to fuck pussies and God, Sam, I was horrible." The more he talks about it the more he hates himself.

Dean knows he's practically having a breakdown and he probably looks insane but he has to explain it to Sam, has to make at least his little brother understand. 

"Okay, Dean, okay, hey, it's fine, really. I'm not judging you. You were right to do that for your best friend, and you have a ton of shit in your life, which is probably why you got angry with Cas. It's okay. We can make it better. Hey, breathe."

Dean inhales slowly and is actually sort of surprised when the exhale is a little shaky. Sam, bless him, pretends not to notice. 

"Okay, Dean, listen. Here's what I think. I know you aren't gay. How could you be, all the girls you go out with? I don't want you to freak out when I say this next bit, because I might be wrong, but trust me, it's gonna be okay. I also don't think that you're entirely straight. I think you might also have a tiny crush on Cas. You can do that, you know? Like girls and boys both. There's lot of different nuances of that, which all have different names, but I think the one you're looking for is bisexuality. It's okay, you know. It's really okay."

"It's not okay to Dad."

That shuts Sam up. He's quiet for a long moment, looking incredibly sad. 

Dean finally can't stand the silence. "I just want it to be all be okay. I want to have Dad's approval, but I also - I also think I might need Cas." He can't say he loves him, but he can say need. That is all that he can give right now, and his heart is already thumping in his chest.

"Dean -" Sam hesitates for another couple seconds before saying, "Dad has some bad ideas about things. About a lot of things, not just bi and homosexuality. About how to raise boys and how to treat women and how much to drink, and you've got to notice that. You have to know that he might try to push those onto you and they aren't right. There's nothing wrong with being gay, and there's nothing wrong with being a woman, and you shouldn't drink IPA instead of having breakfast. But if you put all of that aside, Dad still loves you. You're important to him. He loves you a lot, even though he doesn't show it too much. And if you fall in love with a man, he'll eventually be okay with it, because you're more to him than who you love. He'll just have to get used to it anyway, because Gabriel and I aren't breaking up any time soon."

Dean laughs a little at that, but it's a melancholy sort of laugh. "Okay, Sammy, I believe you. I know Dad loves me, I just don't want to disappoint him."

"You won't, Dean, he'll get over it."

“But Sam? I – I don’t know what to do about what I said to Cas. He’s so freaking angry. And he has every right to be and I have no idea how to make it right. I just – I’m so scared of being gay. I don’t – I can’t handle this.”

Dean’s voice is gruff and breaking, and he feels like death. How could he say that to his best friend? How could he be so homophobic? That’s what it is. Homophobia. He hates gay people. That’s a funny thing to realize, he thinks sarcastically, when he’s just realized that he himself may be bisexual and he’s in a fake-relationship with his best friend.

Sam is waiting quietly and Dean starts to cry again. He doesn’t know what to do. He wants to run to Cas and he wants to fall onto his knees and beg. He wants to offer anything to make it up to him. He wants to kiss Cas’ feet and cry for him and then he wants Cas to take him in his arms and stroke his hair and tell him that it’s okay, that he’s forgiven, that Cas loves him.

And Dean knows he doesn’t deserve any of that, so instead he cries into his little brother’s shoulder.

When he’s done crying, he feels empty in a good way – clean, purged, sorta free. He sits up and swipes at his nose. Sam rolls his eyes and mutters “Gross.”

Then he clears his throat and nods to himself. “Sorry. Go ahead and get snot everywhere, that’s fine. Look Dean, you did screw up pretty bad. But Cas is also pretty in love with you and it is the nature of love to forgive. You’ll make it up to him. I know you can. You know him better than anyone and I think that really, he wants to forgive you. Just make it a good apology.”

Dean sits up and ruffles his brother's hair, smiling. "You're pretty wise for a fifteen year old, Sammy."

Sam rolls his eyes and pulls an excellent bitchface. "Haha, Dean, you're funny."

"Don't use that tone with me, sassy."

Sam stands up and walks to the door and pulls it open. He turns in the doorway and smiles at his brother. "I do what I want."

"Bitch."

"Jerk." Sam grins at him and leaves his room.

Dean flops back into his bed and closes his eyes.

 


	9. What Feels Like the World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean finally make up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the penultimate chapter, plus we're going to have an epilogue.
> 
> Next chapter I think will just be super fluffy smut because that's a great way to end stuff.
> 
> I'm also going on hiatus for two weeks due to being on a backpacking trip w/ no Internet.
> 
> I really had a difficult time with this chapter so let me know what you think. 
> 
> As always, thanks for responding!! <3

If you had told Dean Winchester that this would be happening two weeks ago, he would have laughed in your face. He would have told you to shove it and then walked away. The thought that he would even use the word fag, much less call his best friend one, was unthinkable. Then he had to consider the circumstances in which this particular scenario had come about. That he would agree to fake-date said best friend, then somehow _fall in love_ with him? It was absolutely ludicrous.

And finally that it would hit him as he was lying in their shared bedroom in a cabin in the middle of nowhere, listening to Castiel, his best friend turned fake boyfriend turned real crush walking up the stairs to approach _him_ after all of it, after everything that Dean had done?

Truly ridiculous. 

And yet here they are.

Dean feels something welling up in his throat as he listens to Cas’ footsteps approach, although whether it’s tears or a sort of perverted maniac laughter, he can’t tell.

He breathes slowly and deeply. His stomach hurts and the swelling in the back of his throat hasn’t gone down. He listens to Cas stop outside the door, can practically feel the weight of the moment between his footsteps stopping and his knuckles rapping on the heavy wood.

It feels like the world.

When Castiel finishes knocking, Dean rises slowly and walks to open the door, because he can’t trust himself to speak around the lump. When he opens it, his eyes meet Cas’ and neither of them looks away. Dean feels every urge to duck his head, submissive and scared, but he can’t drag his eyes away from Cas.

He doesn’t know how long they stand there, bodies too close, eyes holding a moving tensions between them, hands shaking, breath short and shallow, and he doesn’t know who moves first but when they are finally sitting next to each other on the edge of the bed, it’s Dean who opens his mouth and speaks.

“Cas, I’m sorry.” This feels inadequate. But he’s also not crying yet and Dean allows himself to be a little self-congratulatory. “I – um – I know that what I did was completely wrong. It sucks that I said that and I’m really sorry and I don’t really know what to do to make it up to you. I’m sorry.” It still doesn’t really feel like enough, but he doesn’t know what else to say.

“Why don’t you say what you mean, Dean? Why don’t you call me a fag again, or a fairy or something? Why don’t you hit me? That’s what straight guys are good at, isn’t it? Just beat me up and have done with it, if you’re so heterosexual? Why don’t you keep pretending you don’t have feelings, why don’t you keep pretending that you don’t like kissing me, don’t think that I’m as hot as any girl you’ve ever hooked up with?”

Dean’s heart is pounding in his temples; his stomach hurts. He can hear the derogatory harshness in Cas’ tone, and the unshed tears underneath that anger. But more than that, he can hear what Cas is saying. And Cas knows; Cas knows that Dean likes him, likes kissing him, thinks he looks hot (and the part of Dean’s brain that isn’t completely overwhelmed remembers how he’d looked in that waistcoat on Sunday), and he feels like he’s got to come clean. 

“Cas – I’m not. I’m not straight. I don’t know – I’m just, I’m not.” 

Cas looks at Dean, his face a blank mask like he doesn’t quite know what to say, and Dean sort of hates himself for springing it on him like that. He knows Cas is still angry with him - so angry, so hurt, so incredibly done with Dean and all of Dean's shit but he can't help it, he has to spill, has to make Cas know. He wants him to know, and secretly, he also wants Cas to figure it out - figure out that he is the reason for Dean's newfound bisexuality, but he hates himself for using his coming out to alleviate Cas' anger.

He hopes – wildly, violently, helplessly – that Cas is also thinking that maybe he and Dean have a chance now.

And then he remembers the look on Cas’ face as he’d screamed _I’m not a faggot like you_ and he thinks how utterly hopeless it really is. He hates himself again, and he knows that he can’t forgive himself ever for that, no matter if Cas ever does.

He drops off the bed and down onto his knees at Cas’ feet and buries his face in Cas’ lap. “I’m so sorry, Cas. I’m so sorry.”

He feels a tear track down his cheek, feels so empty inside, and that’s when Cas takes his chin in his hand and says, “Why don’t you say what you mean?” and it’s the same words he’d said before but his tone is so different now, that Dean breaks.

All of his walls fall down and he spills. 

“Cas, it’s you. You’re the one. I need you.” He’s crying now, on his knees at Cas’ feet, feeling like everything is over, like he has done everything he can and it hasn’t worked.

His mind goes blank and all he can do is cry until he’s empty. He can’t look up at his best friend, can’t even acknowledge his presence. He feels the entire world crushing him and he knows it’s overdramatic but he can’t imagine a world without Cas. 

And that’s when Cas reaches down to cup his face with his hand and Dean looks up at him and sees the expression on his angel’s face and he knows he’s forgiven.

Cas pulls him up and kisses him.

Finally Dean doesn’t have to stop himself. They kiss like this is the first time and the last time, kiss like it’s a revelation, like they are the only thing in the world. Their mouths are hot and sweet, desperate and comforting. Their teeth clash and the kiss is messy and burning and everything is so right.

They fall together on the bed, clinging to each other, stripping as they go, and when Dean can’t breathe anymore, he pulls back.

“So I’m forgiven then?” he asks, and his smile is cheeky and he knows it.

“Yes, you little bastard.” Cas tries to look put out but his eyes are glowing.


	10. Make-up Sex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> smutty smut smuttastic smutt-smutt smutty yay!!!
> 
> (tbh lots of fluff and angst and comfort and did i mention fluff too)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the delay I am a bad person I know. Last chapter!! Aside from the epilogue, which will be pretty short. This took so long to write - and I'm honestly not entirely happy with it. It feels sort of stiff and awkward. 
> 
> I also tried to keep it pretty vanilla, but I don't even know what vanilla is anymore, so I'm sorry if it got slightly kinky.
> 
> This was a really hard chapter to write, as I am now very into Marvel (specifically Steve/Bucky - for which I'm working on my first fic - stay tuned) and so I sat down to write and I was trying to get myself in the mood (my writing process always involves a lot of fucking around) and remember the Dean and Cas I had going in this story. So while I was preparing to write serious smut that I could actually publish I also wrote you guys a short poem as thanks for reading this fic. :)
> 
> dean and cas are crazy in the sack  
> they love to do the frickle frack  
> cas likes to put his peen in dean  
> dean's ass is all for cas  
> yaaaayyyyyyy seeeexy tiiiiiiiimmes
> 
> Actually I'm just really proud of rhyming Dean and peen bc I'm not very good at rhyming stuff and that totally worked. 
> 
> Now that I've turned y'all on so much, proceed to the actual smut ;)
> 
> PS: Dean Winchester is totally a bottom pass it on (on that important note - this is very bottom!dean centric, and it's actually the only semblance of plot I add here, him getting over his daddy issues and being okay with himself wanting to bottom, so if you're not into bottom!dean, this may not be the fic for you)
> 
> PPS: Dean's speech about girls being something he'd totally give up for Cas does not reflect the author's feelings or opinions at all.

Dean's nervous. It's not that Cas isn't the biggest sweetheart in the world, not that he doesn't take care of him exactly like he wants, but God help him, Cas is a dude. And of course Dean would love to think he's completely over his internalized homophobia, but he may not be, and anyway, all that aside, he's never even kissed a guy before, much less fucked one. 

So Cas is his first. And Cas is a great person to have as a first. He's kind and gentle, but also slightly teasing (in that dry, serious way of his, that always makes Dean's heart melt a little inside). 

(And every time Dean looks at him he feels whole inside, and that seems to make it all okay.)

Cas strips Dean down first (his fingers are hot and everywhere they brush Dean's skin, it tingles and feels like he's got butterflies in his veins, and Dean is _so_  hard), and then, with Dean sitting on the bed watching, strips himself too; his soft t-shirt comes off first, and Dean licks his lips subconsciously at the sight of those abs, and the v of his hips above his jeans, which he unbuttons slowly. Cas is so freaking hot, and Dean feels like he's melting, his body weak and his cheeks flushed. Cas pauses before pulling off his pants, to remove his shoes and socks, and then he slides his jeans and boxers off at once, and Cas is standing before Dean in all his naked glory.

Look, Dean has seen a lot of chicks naked. He loves girls. But in that moment, he realizes that he would gladly give up all girls for the rest of his life if it meant ten more minutes of staring at Cas. Cas is smooth and thin, but with muscles that Dean didn't know he had, and the planes of his body are surprisingly soft - Dean'd always thought of boys as being harder and sharper, but Cas looks almost graceful, and good lord, the way he's looking at Dean - through his eyelashes, bottom lip caught between his teeth, with that smoldering heat in his eyes - can't be legal. 

Dean's almost terrified, but he's also so turned on he can't breathe, and so he does what he has always done during sex - takes control. He smirks and, leaning back on one hand, crooks the finger of the other to motion Cas forward, not breaking eye contact.

Cas lets out this breathy little laugh, and crosses the room almost at a run, leaping forward a few feet from the bed, falling into Dean's lap, pushing him onto his back, tries to kiss him and can't, because he's smiling so hard. 

"You are so hot, and so ridiculous." Cas breathes against his lips. "What was that? No one has ever done that to me before." He's still laughing, and Dean is only slightly put out. This, of course, has a lot to do with Cas (naked, smoking hot, hard as rock Cas) lying on top of him. Sensing that, Cas rocks his hips down, and Dean makes a noise that in the future he will never admit to making - a whimper, soft and girly. Cas groans, and kisses him, and rocks again, sliding their cocks against each other. Dean feels fireworks in his bloodstream and his breathing is fast and he can see Cas' pupils dilate. He pulls away from the kiss and begins sliding his mouth over Cas' throat - little butterfly kisses on his pulse, sucking under his jaw, on the hollow of his throat, nibbling on his ear, and Cas shivers, and Dean can feel Cas shiver. _Thank God,_ he thinks, _this is something I know how to do._  

For a while, they just make out. Dean can feel Cas' eagerness, and God knows he himself wants nothing more than Cas inside him, but they just keep fucking each other's mouths, rutting against each other, each boys hands running up and down the other's back, ass, thighs, taking in as much of each other as they can, and Dean can feel the tension building and building inside of him, sparkling, sweetening the eventual, inevitable breaking.

Finally, Cas growls and pulls away, sitting on top of Dean and saying - gruffly, almost awkwardly, "You want to top or bottom?"

Dean wants to top - of course he does - he doesn't take dick. If anyone is the man in this relationship, it's him. And yet - is that him or his father talking?

"If I - um - I don't... Cas. I -"

Cas stares at him, and Dean feels like his soul is being sifted through; his heart aches.

"Whatever you want, Dean, you just have to say."

And Dean knows that he wants Cas inside him. He can't help it. He wants Cas on top of him, wants Cas' cock in him, wants to be taken like that.

All he has to do is say it. 

That's it. That's literally all he has to do. And he knows that Cas already knows what he wants - he can see it in his eyes, can see it on his face, but Cas is going to make him say it. 

He can't.

He can feel Cas on top of him, can feel his cock, still half hard, against Cas' leg, and Cas is staring at him, and he feels so safe, and he can't make himself say it.

"Come on, Dean. It's okay. I promise no matter what you say, I'm not going to judge you. You're so safe here, so safe, so loved; it's okay."

 _So loved_. Cas loves him. That feels like the only thing that matters, for a moment. 

"I want you in me." He blurts - and then blushes bright red - he can feel heat all over his face and neck and chest, and Cas is smiling so big it looks like his face will split in two. He kisses Dean squarely on the mouth - hard and fierce, as though claiming him, and somehow the feeling in his chest is like the feeling he used to get when his mom told him she was proud of him. 

"Of course, Dean, thank you for being honest with me, of course, I love you so much."

Then it's Cas' turn to blush. A moment ago, he'd said that Dean was "so loved", but never before had either of them said to the other "I love you", and Cas looks suddenly worried. 

"You dweeb," Dean mutters. "I love you too."

Cas' grin is back, and he rolls over and stretches off the bed to open the drawer in his bedside table. (Dean admires the muscles in the length of him arm, and the way his back strains to keep him on the mattress.) When he's got the lube in his hand, he pops the cap off and studies Dean. 

"You ever done this before?"

"What, fingered myself? Of course. I'm straight, not stupid."

Cas grins. "Not that straight."

"Fair enough."

Cas smears lube on his fingers, and then says, voice suddenly an octave lower, "Spread your legs."

Dean drops his knees apart, baring his hole. Cas inhales, and his breath catches in his throat. "Such a pretty little hole, Dean."

Dean hadn't figured on dirty talk, and he's so surprised that he groans low in his throat, surprised and  _so_ turned on. "Holy shit, Cas, give a guy some warning." Cas's smirk when he meets Dean's eyes is downright filthy. He doesn't say anything, just slides one finger into Dean, without breaking eye contact. Honestly, Dean nearly comes from that alone.  _Jesus Christ,_  he thinks, or possibly says aloud - he can't tell anymore. "Fuck me." he mutters, and then snorts, realizing what he'd said. "I mean, not like that - but also like th-" He cuts himself off, as Cas adds another finger, all the way up past the knuckle. The stretch is so good - it burns a little, makes Dean's eyes water, and his cock throb. 

"One more, Cas, and then I want you to fuck me. Hurry, please, Cas, I want you so much."

Cas adds the last figure almost in slow motion, fucks all three into Dean so slowly he aches, the burning from the stretch rendered almost irrelevant from the torture Cas is putting him through in terms of speed. "Cas, oh my god, please." 

"What? Is there something you want?" Cas asks, and his eyes are lit up, and Dean can see the smile he's forcing himself not to give. "Why don't you ask nicely?"

Dean can't believe he's about to do this, but he's so gone on Cas' fingers, he does it anyway.

"Cas, please fuck me, stop teasing, I need you, I'm so hard, I need you inside me."

"I am inside you."

"Want your cock."

"Where?"

"In my - my ass."

And, holy lord Cas is hot right now - his pupils are so swollen, Dean can't see his sky blue irises, and his lips are huge and red from gnawing on them.

He smiles. "You had only to ask."

And then Cas slicks up his own cock - six strokes (Dean counts them, unable to pull his eyes from Cas' cock), and then lines up against Dean's hole. He brushes just the head against it lightly, and Dean feels tremors rake through his entire body.

"Jesus, Cas, stop teasing me."

Dean almost isn't expecting it. Cas has been teasing him for so long, and he's so on edge, and he's never had anything to compare it too, and he just doesn't really know what a cock in his ass will feel like. And it's so sudden, when Cas finally does it - finally sheathes himself in Dean's ass.

Dean's whole body tenses and he cries Cas' name, like it's a prayer.

Cas stops for a moment, considerate of Dean's newly christened hole, but Dean starts fucking himself up onto Cas' cock, and it takes Cas only a second to pin Dean's hips and fuck him slowly, deliberately, almost worshipfully. He drags himself out and pushes in as hard as he can, then rises up onto his knees, so he's straddling Dean, and the new angle hits something in Dean that makes him feel like everything inside him is exploding. He gasps, and Cas laughs, almost breathlessly, and does it again, and again, and again, and Dean is almost crying, so hard, so sensitive. He feels like he's being reborn, and Cas is dark and powerful above him, and Dean just lays there and takes it.

Finally, shaking, he begins to feel the heat that's spread all over his body gather into his stomach, feels the tingling in the backs of his legs, and he moans Cas' name. "Cas, baby, I'm gonna - I'm about to..." Cas' rhythm stutters slightly, and then he speeds up, drilling Dean's prostate, practically milking it, and Dean comes, shouting Cas' name.

His body goes limp, and Cas keeps fucking him for only a few moments after, until he comes too, shooting his load hot and bitter into Dean's ass, and then collapses on top of Dean.

The boys just lay there for a moment, in their own mess, their bodies weak and smiles on their faces, until Cas rolls off of Dean, and tries to get up to get a towel, Dean assumes.

All the same, he wraps his arms around him, refusing to let him leave the bed. "Cas, stay." Cas' smile as he looks back is beatific, and he falls back next to Dean. After a moment, he turns his head to kiss the side of Dean's mouth. "How was it?"

Dean laughs at that. "How do you think it was, baby?"

"Okay?"

"Fucking incredible."

Cas smiles, and they are quiet again, for a while. Dean breaks the silence at last to say one more thing.

"Hey, Cas, I really am sorry about what I said. It was totally uncalled for. I'm so sorry. I hope you can forgive me."

"Of course I forgive you, you assbutt."

"I love you."

And Dean knows Cas means it, when he says it back.

 

 

fin


End file.
